I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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