Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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