I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
