i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
