My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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