i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
