who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
