Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize