I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
