I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
