Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
