You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
my poor anus
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
