Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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