If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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