Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
