I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
