I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
