She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
