I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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