didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The feeling are messing with the penis
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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