So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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