My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize