shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
