This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
