Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize