When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize