alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
