His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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