dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
