Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize