I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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