I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
