so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize