I think my fart just growled at me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
