I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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