My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
