Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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