Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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