I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
