literally had 100 drinks last night.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
