what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
