Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
