I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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