Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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