You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
