If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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