You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
two words...techno handjob
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
