After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
