We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
