woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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