Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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