just tell him i said nine months
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
