is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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