Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
