Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
