How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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