I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
