Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
