the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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