apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
