i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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