I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
