I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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