Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
