I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize