I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize