I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
