Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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