and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He better not be in your backpack
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
