I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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