how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
