ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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