she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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